I spend the vast majority of my working hours in contemplation of how I can make something better than it is. More accurate, more dependable, more efficient, or maybe just more simple; my mind is almost always whirling with ideas about how things could be transformed to make them better.
Of course, “better” is a loaded term here. Better by my standards may not always be seen in the same light by others, and I’ve often considered something to be simple when others have complained that it is too complex.
This post is, however, more about my own thinking than that of anyone else…
I think I have gotten to the point where I’m seeing my continual striving for better affect my sleep patterns. For instance, I had an idea that I couldn’t stop toying with in my mind so I decided that I had to get out of bed and try it out. It worked quite marvelously, which doesn’t surprise me as much as the fact that it only took me a whole ten minutes to accomplish. It could have waited until tomorrow but I just didn’t have the mental prowess to shut it off long enough to fall asleep.
I know this isn’t really new to people — it isn’t anything that has never been experienced before — but as I laid in bed [before I got up to try my idea] the thought arose that the whole situation really is rather silly. I can spend my whole life trying to make this or that “better” but it is all going to fade into history eventually anyway. No one will remember my contribution to the betterment of [whatever it is that I improve] long past this life (if even that long), yet I find myself strung out over the ideas anyway as if they have substance in their own right.
I have to wonder when the time will come that I can set aside the making of all of these other things better long enough to actually better myself… or am I somehow indirectly bettering myself through it all and I just can’t perceive it?
Should I think about this more, or should I try to get some sleep?
Please be well, friends.