Today I’ve felt a little like I was born in the wrong time and place…
I know that sounds a little dramatic. I understand that I have become what I am, where I am, because of my own kamma, because of what I have done before, and that (quite cyclically) my being here and now is further conditioning that which I may become later. That being so, there are still times when I think to myself “If only I had been born in such-and-such a place or time – always a place or time that I perceive (probably in error) to be more conducive to following a (any) spiritual path most wholly.
This isn’t meant to imply that I do not like my life – not in the least. In fact, it could be said by some that I lead a life of relative luxury (relative to, maybe, 80% of the population of the planet) and I have no need that is left unsatisfied from day to day. I have a loving wife who tolerates my flaws, both real and imaginary, two very smart, helpful children, and many others who support my family emotionally and financially as the need arises.
So yes, I know I have a good life.
My frustration stems from the lack of meaningful spiritual support in my chosen tradition of practice, more or less. Or maybe even the lack of spirituality I perceive all around me, regardless of tradition.
Specific to the Theravada tradition, suffice it to say that while the accessibility of English-language reading materials and videos continues to increase world-wide, I really don’t feel like there is a significant presence locally of real practitioners (lay or ordained) with which I can really relate. Of the few I’ve met, I’d say only one was really striving for something beyond what most of us would recognize as clearly worldly values.
Or perhaps it is an indicator that I do not strive, therefore I would not know what striving really looks like?
I think I feel a little like I’ve been forced into settling into practicing in such a way that feels too “average” to be sustainable… but I also feel like there is nothing at all average about being alive and having the freedom to do what is right with my life. Maybe it is that confidence or realization in just how amazing being alive is – how awesome it is that I wasn’t born as a damned rock — that really does make it sustainable.
I guess that is what I’ve been thinking about today. I hope you are well, friends.